In The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama talks about how we can deal with anger. I feel as if I’m always in here talking about books I have read and not real experience, but this particular section of this book is something I feel I can really apply to my life, and I have in fact, without really realising it. It seems that the more I read, the more I absorb, consciously or subconsciously, and I find myself applying ideas to my behaviour.
Anyway, this particular chapter stuck with me and made a lot of sense. It teaches us to think about why we are angry and if our anger is justified. It asks us to question whether or not we should really be angry at a person – did they intentionally try to make us angry? For example, I was at work yesterday, just about to close my till and go home, and was serving my last customer. My shift finishes at half six and as the clock on my till said six thirty and I was yet to close up my till, I was beginning to get impatient with my customer, who was slowly searching through her purse for her store card. As I felt myself get frustrated with her, I stopped and realised that of course she wasn’t keeping me waiting on purpose. She probably didn’t realise that it was time for me to go home and so, why should I get angry at her? I could have allowed myself to get annoyed about not getting out of work exactly on time and had a bit of a rant about it when I got home, but it wasn’t like I had anywhere else to be. So I let it go, and until I came to think of an example to demonstrate in this blog, I had completely forgotten about it.
Another example comes from last week, and that time, my feelings were a little more difficult to control. I had done a piece of work for my university course and it hadn’t turned out as well as I had hoped. One of my friends, however, did quite well and was very pleased with his grade. One day, out of the blue, he made a flippant comment about the standard of his work and the standard of mine, which made me pretty angry. I was angry because I felt that he had said something quite harsh. However he did apologise, though I am not sure he really knew what he was apologising for. I don’t actually think he really meant to say something mean, and probably didn’t think before he spoke. I tried to forget about it and I’m not bothered by it now, but things like that are more difficult to brush off. I had to remember to think about his motives, and while he certainly didn’t seem motivated to saying something kind or helpful, I don’t think he was motivated to intentionally be mean either – he was just making an observation and wasn’t very tactful about it.
Of course, sometimes people do things which are intentionally mean, and perhaps we should be angry about them. But what does this anger achieve? How does being angry at the person solve the situation? It just makes us feel bad and is an obstacle in the way of our happiness. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be doormats, and should certainly point out when someone is being unfair or hurtful because they might not realise it. But it is always best to let feelings of anger go and to not get attached to them because ultimately, these feelings do not help anyone.
